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When you look at water, sometimes you see the surface and sometimes you see past the surface into the depth. Undoubtedly this has to do with how the light reflects off the water. In this picture the sunlight penetrates to the sandy creek bottom instead of bouncing off the surface. If you look closely, you can see the silhouette of a fish.

I have taken many pictures of the creek, since there are so many pretty spots along it, but this is the first time I have gotten a fish to show up for the party. I am as excited to see him as the paparazzi are to get a photo of their favorite celebrity.

We call this kind of fish Guadalupe bass, but the online images of that species don’t completely look like our fish. I heard someone called our fish a bluegill sunfish, but their online pictures don’t look quite like our fish either. If you are a fish identifier please clear up the mystery. You may need a clearer picture first.

When I first glanced at the picture, I didn’t notice the fish. I only saw if after I spent time sorting through the various shots from the day. When good things show up below the surface, they are not always obvious. They might just be a faint silhouette that tells you there was a fish right there beneath you.

Caregiving can bring you from the surface to the depths pretty quickly. It’s a good thing. You can try to stay superficially chipper, but it just doesn’t work in the relentless grind that caregiving can be, especially if your patient is someone you deeply love. You might as well go to the depths.

The depths are where you experience what you are really feeling and not what you think you ought to feel. So you might feel discouraged or resentful or hopeful, but you might believe you should be feeling fine. Drop the idea that you should feel a particular way. You just feel how you do. So if you are mad, that’s just how it is. If you are grateful, that is how it is.

Feelings aren’t all neat and tidy. You can feel loads of things at the same time, some of them contradictory. You can feel resentful and despairing and joyful and annoyed all in one minute. You have permission to feel whatever crops up, so please give yourself a break about that.

No browbeating yourself today or any other day for feeling things that don’t meet with your approval. All your feelings are hereby approved.

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